Healing Epilepsy

It’s so important to listen to your body. Sometimes I think that if I had listened to mine a bit sooner I could’ve spared myself some of the stress and anxiety. I’ve always been taught to allow God to lead my life but I’ve learned over the last 2 years that my ambition has gotten in the way. I’ve been going so hard. From going straight from undergraduate to grad school to start my career...I crashed. In the fall of 2018 I started to lose the control that I THOUGHT I had. 

During my second year as the Digital Director at the City Clerk’s Office (Chicago) I started to feel so sick. I didn’t know what was happening to my body but I just felt off. While visiting my Grandma Shirley I had a seizure (although at the time, we didn’t know that’s what it was). My mom and sister told me that I lifted my shirt up and looked blank in the eyes. They said they were talking to me but I wasn’t responsive. To this day, I have no recollection of that moment. Zac also noticed these moments where I'd stare off blankly. On the day I put in my resignation letter, I rushed straight to the hospital and my blood pressure was around 170/111. With not taking care of myself came weight gain and stress leading to high blood pressure. Never in my life had I been that sick. I realized that I needed to take some time off from everything to slow down and listen to my body. 

As the months went on, the spells continued. We still didn’t realize that me “zoning out” equated to seizures. The form of seizures that I had grown familiar with were grand mal seizures (now referred to as tonic-clonic seizures). Tonic-clonic seizures are when a person loses consciousness, muscles stiffen, and jerking movements are seen. It wasn’t until being admitted to the hospital in the spring of 2019 that I learned that there are many types of seizures. On the evening of March 18, 2019, Zac rushed me to Northwestern hospital after the worst episode I’d ever had. After careful evaluation, I was diagnosed with left-temporal lobe epilepsy and admitted to the hospital on March 19, 2019. At that moment I was stuck. I couldn’t cry because I had no real knowledge of what Epilepsy was. It was possible that I had been having seizures for over a year - or  maybe even throughout my entire life. I was petrified at the thought of something happening to my brain. I thought about how strong my cousin Sylvia has been. Sylvia has had so many brain surgeries and she’s fighting. So I figured, “if she can fight - so can I. My brain will be okay, too. Right??”

I don’t remember really breathing in that moment. I remember having Zac and my parents with me. They touched and agreed - they surrounded me and prayed for me. I remember feeling their prayers. But I also remember feeling devastated. My sister called and I could feel her hurt and concern over the phone. Both of my Grandmothers’ love and prayers reached me. My father-in-law, Pastor and First Lady Townsend prayed for me. During the same time I was hospitalized, my mother-in-law was hospitalized on a different floor. We prayed for each other and we were covered in prayers. My cousin Alex, who has such a sweet and calm spirit, was a nurse at Northwestern at the time. Having family near was very comforting. My friends and my family sent so much love and so many prayers. My cousin Alese who is battling Lupus uplifted me and continues to uplift me, because just like Sylvia, she knows what it’s like to be a warrior. I felt all of the love and as devastated as I was not once did I question if God was there. I felt Him. 

My diagnosis completely changed my life. Literally overnight, I went from taking a few high blood pressure pills (which I no longer take - let’s talk about healthy eating and less stress!) to 90+ pills a week. Yes, my epilepsy was in such a critical state that I was prescribed more than 90 pills a week. I had grown to be this independent woman and in less than 24 hours I felt robbed of my independence. I was told that I wouldn’t be able to drive and I couldn’t cook on my own. I was devastated. My first combination of pills made me very sick. I was experiencing nausea, extreme mood swings, and still having up to 11 seizures a month. On my road to recovery I spent time with my family for support. Being near my mom, Grandma Shirley, Auntie Sophie and my cousins helped to strengthen me. It doesn’t hit you that you’ve been on the move for so long until you sit down. 

After taking 3 months to get acclimated to my medication and get stable, I was ready to get back to my life. I refused to let Epilepsy keep me from holding true to myself. It was time to get to work! Let’s be clear. I was nervous. Filling out a job application for the first time and marking “Yes, I have a disability” was nerve-wracking. But, I did it anyway. I figured - if a company wants to hire me. It should be for my talent. I shouldn’t have to lie about who I am. I am a black woman with a disability. Period. Thankfully, I was fortunate enough to have a wonderful boss and department leader who believed in me. They took a chance on me and offered me a position as Sr. Assistant Brand Manager despite my condition. 

During this same time, Zac proposed and we got married. We had moved to the northwest suburbs of Illinois to start a new chapter (major shoutout to my Aunt Millie and Grandma Barbara for jazzing up our home!). Being back in the suburbs has been so great for my body and my mind. Being able to live closer to my dad, cut down the travel distance to Rockford and not be surrounded by so much noise/traffic of the city has helped with my healing. This is the first time since I was 18 that I’ve lived this close to family and my spirit needed it.

The first few months at my job I still had seizures. Focal seizures are less than 40 seconds and with my medication they weren’t as noticeable. I’m pretty sure my coworkers couldn’t tell. The only reason I knew is because I’d usually have an “aura” or warning that often occurs before a seizure. After the seizure, I’d feel a little off or notice that my notebook or something would be in a different place then I’d last seen it. In August 2019, I had an in-patient EEG overnight exam to see my overall progress. The doctors noticed that I was still having seizures in my sleep. It was clear that the medication I was on wasn’t completely working. At that point, I knew it was time to start advocating for myself. 

My cousin Alese recommended that I try looking for a neurologist at Rush Hospital. Zac and I visited Dr. Michael C. Smith’s office for the first time in the fall of 2019. He’s been treating my epilepsy ever since. Dr. Smith has truly invested in my recovery. From finding the right medication, lowering my dosages when appropriate, providing lifestyle advice, being responsive to any and all of my questions. I remember the first time I had to do my “epilepsy memory” exercise in his office. I really struggled. I only remembered 60% of what he said. Now during our exercises I remember every single word. 

Aside from medicine, I’ve taken what I CAN control and made the most of it. After doing research and talking to my doctor I learned that sugar spikes seizures. Welp, guess what? I haven’t had a piece of candy, dessert, ice cream or sugary beverage since October 2019. When I feel myself getting really stressed - I pray. I take 10 deep breaths and drop some lavender oil in the diffuser. 2020 has been tough on all of us. There have been moments when I’ve thought I might break. When I get really overwhelmed I try to just be still. Realizing that I’m not in control has helped me connect more with God. I can’t even count how many times I’ve literally fallen on my knees praying and crying to Him. 

“She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.” - Proverbs 31:25 NLT

When I was 20 I got Proverbs 31:25 tattooed on my wrist. I was convinced that no matter what life would throw at me I would never be afraid when it came to my aspirations. My dad would always say “the only thing greater than you and your sister is God”. So I’d look at my wrist and remember to laugh “without fear of the future”. Well, for the first time I wasn’t laughing anymore. I was petrified. Epilepsy has taught me what faith really is. I write this as someone who has experienced seeing myself through the eyes of other people. Literally. To be told that I’ve lifted my shirt or rubbed my leg or spoken words that I have no recollection of is scary. But I’m still here. The fact that I’m here is enough for me to believe that there is a plan for my future. 

I pray that my story of healing blesses everyone who reads it. This November and for every November to come I hope that you take a moment to acknowledge Epilepsy Awareness Month. There are so many people with this condition who are not able to type because their convulsions are happening so frequently, some people have passed away from Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy, some people can’t afford proper treatment which is literally damaging their brain, others are having partial seizures and aren’t even aware of it. 

November 19, 2020 will mark one year seizure free for me and I have many more years to go. I’ve gone from 90+ pills a week to 63 pills per week. I finally drove for the first time this year and was pulled over for driving too slow. Baby steps… literally. Don’t worry - I’ve improved since then. LOL

My road to healing has not been easy and this is only the beginning of remission.

Let my story encourage you to listen to your body, honor your body and love your body. 

To learn more about Epilepsy visit: epilepsy.com

To make a donation to the Epilepsy Foundation click here.

Contributor: Phallon Bush

Founder: glowfromglory.com

IG: @phallonbush

He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." - Mark 5:34 NIV

THANK YOU: 

I’m so grateful for my husband who has been by my side every step of the way. Zac, thank you for literally documenting every single seizure that I’ve had. Thank you for catching my tears and for hugging me. Thank you for holding my hand so tight throughout this entire journey. For keeping your promise when the doctors told you to make sure I didn't drive or use the stove or knives. Thank you for choosing me as your wife knowing that I’d need so much special care due to my invisible disability. Just know that if the roles were reversed I’d be right here with you. I love you. 

To my parents. I thank God for you both. I can’t count the number of times I’ve called you just for a prayer. Just for a word of encouragement. I’ve called some days and haven’t even said a word. It’s like you already knew. I always say that you both are my spiritual counselors and I mean that. I can’t imagine how it must have felt for you to see me with all of those cords attached to my head. To not know what was going on with me. I didn’t cry in the hospital because I didn’t want you to cry. But I know, you already knew that I would be okay. That’s what faith is. That’s what you both taught me. I love you. 

Sissy, my personal neuroscientist, my neurologist in the making. Alexus, I know that it was so hard for you not to be there in that exact moment of my diagnosis - but I felt you with me. All of the years that you have put into studying neurology in school means so much to our family. YOUR work gives me and so many people like me hope. What are the odds that your “little baby” would get diagnosed with a brain condition? While you’ve been putting in work to study cures for the brain? God is so good. Keep allowing Him to use you. I’m so proud to be your sister. I love you. 

Grandma Shirley your strength gives me strength. Spending 3 months with you during my road to remission lifted my spirit. You taught me to laugh to keep from crying and that’s exactly what we did. We laughed to the point of only happy tears. Watching you overcome Covid-19 while battling stage 4 breast cancer this summer was powerful beyond measure. I thank you for teaching me that no condition defines us. We define us. You, grandmother, are the definition of resilience. I love you. 

Grandma Barbara, thank you for teaching me how to pray. I still remember being in your basement as a little girl looking up at you when you prayed in awe. Back then I had no real idea of what was happening. Now I understand why you prayed the way you did. I’m at the point in my life where I finally get it. It takes pouring our hearts out and laying bare our flaws, our pain for healing. Thank you for teaching me how to draw closer to Him. I love you. 

Thank you to Alese and Sylvia, my strong cousins who are more like sisters. You both have given me the courage to be my own greatest advocate. I love you both with everything in me. I look up to you both more than you know. 

Thank you to my brother Julius, family-in-love, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, Clubworthy crew and everyone who has thought of me. I appreciate you and I love you! :)

xo,
Phallon